Pop Culture Madness: Ramadan Edition

For the first time in a month, I arrived at the office this morning with a spring in my step and a snack in my handbag. That's right kids, Ramadan is officially OVER.

It's great to be back to eating whatever I like, whenever I like. But even better is the end of inane Ramadan TV specials that insinuate themselves into my life every year, despite my best efforts to avoid them.

Over the past few years, my main Ramadan TV gripe has been 'Bab El-Hara', a Syrian soap opera about a Damascene neighbourhood during the 1920s. For five years now, the combination of high drama and mediocre acting has proved irresistibly luring to millions of Arab viewers, many of whom do not stop talking about the latest episode for 24 hours- until the next episode airs.

Even those who aren't interested have Bab El-Hara thrust upon us. Forcefully beamed into our consciousness from café projector screens all over Amman. Kind of like the World Cup, but sadly without the suspense. Or the fit men in short shorts.

For those who haven't had the dubious pleasure of watching Bab El-Hara, all you need to know is the following:

1.       Mustachioed man gets angry at wife for [insert affront to manliness here].

2.       Mother/mother-in-law meddles.

3.       Man gets angrier, occasionally pulls wife's hair.

4.       Man takes another wife and/or divorces first wife.

5.       Mother/mother-in-law meddles some more.

6.       Man/wife kisses mother/father's hand and promises to do what he/she wants.

7.       Man and wife get divorced/back together.

Throw in the occasional bitch-fight between co-wives and knife fights/punch-ups between the male characters and you are all set. No need to actually watch Bab El-Hara. Ever.

One of the new additions to Ramadan screens this year was 'Zahra wa Azwajeha El-Khamsa' ('Zahra and her Five Husbands'). The star of the show is an Egyptian woman in clown make-up named Zahra, whose facial muscles are so immobilized by Botox that the most fascinating thing about the entire programme is that she is still capable of acting (albeit badly).

Zahra: Ramadan Hearthrob

My grandfather thinks the popularity of these shows is a symptom of Arab socio-political malaise. But to be fair, my grandfather is a grumpy old ex-communist who thinks everything he doesn't like is a symptom of Arab socio-political malaise. Maybe Arab TV networks have just realized that Ramadan is the perfect opportunity to foist subpar TV programming on a populace collectively stricken with mental stupor brought on by a combination of daylight starvation, Iftar food coma and nighttime arghileh binges.

PS. Apparently, I missed out on the best Ramadan TV offering of the year this time around: 'Awza Atgawez' ('I Want to Get Married'). I've been told that it's a genuinely funny Egyptian comedy about a single 30-something woman looking for the husband of her mother's dreams. Planning to pick it up on DVD tomorrow. Will keep you posted.