Lady GaGa for President

Today I sat down at my computer with the intention of writing a blog post on the farce that is the latest round of Israeli-Palestinian peace negotiations. But as I started browsing the latest news coverage on the conflict, I came across a photo so disturbing that I felt compelled to change the topic of this week's post.

Please, can somebody explain to me what the hell is going on with Hilary Clinton's tangerine pantsuit?

I know Hillary Clinton has long been a fan of the vibrantly hued pantsuit (see below).  Like a male peacock during mating season, this helps her command the attention of those around her long enough for her to try to screw them. But this pumpkin-inspired monstrosity seems obscene even by Hillary's standards.

Regardless of your personal disposition towards Hillary, few would debate that she is a highly intelligent woman. Surely, this wardrobe choice must be a shrewd, deliberate political tactic? I have several theories:

1.       It is a ploy to stun and confuse Abbas and Netanyahu just long enough that they might agree on something. Seasoned political junkies among you might discern a look of acute unease mixed into Abbas' standard grimace in the photo of him and Clinton above. I reckon it is from the glare of her outfit.

2.       The madness inevitably inflicted by involvement in Middle Eastern politics is making Hillary resort to Gaddafi-inspired political tactics. First, check out this photo of Gaddafi with Silvio Berlusconi. Gaddafi has consistently proved that dressing like a lunatic can magically transform even the sleaziest political dirtbags in one's vicinity into appearing respectable and statesmanlike in comparison. Over the past few decades, this has been proved beyond a doubt by countless photo-ops of Gaddafi with a wide assortment of dodgy Arab and African dictators. Clinton's wardrobe choice could be a sneaky plot to help the rather mediocre figures of Abbas and Netanyahu achieve the stature they need to push through a  peace agreement. If it works, the best hope for achieving world peace might well be supporting Lady GaGa for US President in 2012.

3.       This is further evidence proving the theory propounded by Dinesh D'Souza in Forbes' a few weeks back, which claims that Obama's politics are motivated by an anti-colonial ideology inspired by his Kenyan father. Hillary might be trying to curry favour with her boss by taking style cues from African political elites (see photo below). Admittedly, this is the most tenuous of the three theories and needs more supporting evidence. Will keep eyes peeled for sightings of Hillary sporting extravagant head ornamentation.

Left to right: Chantal Biya (First Lady of Cameroon); Touré Lobbo Traoré (First Lady of Mali); Hillary Clinton

Seriously though, analyzing Hillary's fashion sense is a comforting escape from the depressing prospect of thinking/writing about the peace negotiations. Actually, there isn't a single thing I could write about the negotiations which has not been written a million times already. Bourgeois pseudo-intellectuals (myself included) analyze and pontificate on blogs, in newspapers and on TV. Peace talks come and go. Meanwhile, people in the Gaza Strip continue to languish in the world's largest open air prison and illegal Israeli settlements are being expanded in the West Bank.

Now back to the real issue. Thank God Michelle Obama ended up as the female resident of the White House. Imagine being subjected to Hillary's fashion sense every time you turn on the news.

Pop Culture Madness: Ramadan Edition

For the first time in a month, I arrived at the office this morning with a spring in my step and a snack in my handbag. That's right kids, Ramadan is officially OVER.

It's great to be back to eating whatever I like, whenever I like. But even better is the end of inane Ramadan TV specials that insinuate themselves into my life every year, despite my best efforts to avoid them.

Over the past few years, my main Ramadan TV gripe has been 'Bab El-Hara', a Syrian soap opera about a Damascene neighbourhood during the 1920s. For five years now, the combination of high drama and mediocre acting has proved irresistibly luring to millions of Arab viewers, many of whom do not stop talking about the latest episode for 24 hours- until the next episode airs.

Even those who aren't interested have Bab El-Hara thrust upon us. Forcefully beamed into our consciousness from café projector screens all over Amman. Kind of like the World Cup, but sadly without the suspense. Or the fit men in short shorts.

For those who haven't had the dubious pleasure of watching Bab El-Hara, all you need to know is the following:

1.       Mustachioed man gets angry at wife for [insert affront to manliness here].

2.       Mother/mother-in-law meddles.

3.       Man gets angrier, occasionally pulls wife's hair.

4.       Man takes another wife and/or divorces first wife.

5.       Mother/mother-in-law meddles some more.

6.       Man/wife kisses mother/father's hand and promises to do what he/she wants.

7.       Man and wife get divorced/back together.

Throw in the occasional bitch-fight between co-wives and knife fights/punch-ups between the male characters and you are all set. No need to actually watch Bab El-Hara. Ever.

One of the new additions to Ramadan screens this year was 'Zahra wa Azwajeha El-Khamsa' ('Zahra and her Five Husbands'). The star of the show is an Egyptian woman in clown make-up named Zahra, whose facial muscles are so immobilized by Botox that the most fascinating thing about the entire programme is that she is still capable of acting (albeit badly).

Zahra: Ramadan Hearthrob

My grandfather thinks the popularity of these shows is a symptom of Arab socio-political malaise. But to be fair, my grandfather is a grumpy old ex-communist who thinks everything he doesn't like is a symptom of Arab socio-political malaise. Maybe Arab TV networks have just realized that Ramadan is the perfect opportunity to foist subpar TV programming on a populace collectively stricken with mental stupor brought on by a combination of daylight starvation, Iftar food coma and nighttime arghileh binges.

PS. Apparently, I missed out on the best Ramadan TV offering of the year this time around: 'Awza Atgawez' ('I Want to Get Married'). I've been told that it's a genuinely funny Egyptian comedy about a single 30-something woman looking for the husband of her mother's dreams. Planning to pick it up on DVD tomorrow. Will keep you posted.

Refudiating Reason: Palin slides further down slippery slope of senselessness

It seems Sarah Palin is one step closer to following in the footsteps of her self-proclaimed "political heroine", Margaret Thatcher.

No, I am not talking about the possibility of Palin getting elected to high office. Like Thatcher in recent years, Palin seems to be suffering from the onset of dementia.


Granted, she did always have a head start. Many of those who have followed her career have long suspected she may have a couple of screws loose. Who can forget her contention during the 2008 presidential campaign that being Governor of Alaska gave her foreign policy credentials because "you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska".

More recently, Palin's credentials as an easy target for ridicule were boosted when she tweeted that "peaceful Muslims" should "refudiate" the mosque being built in New York City near where the Twin Towers once stood. This latest Palin outburst inspired me to draw on my dubious skills as an amateur psychologist (I majored in psychology at university) to diagnose her mental condition. After extensive Googling, I have come to the conclusion that Palin is more likely to be suffering from schizophasia than dementia.

Schizophasia is defined as a mental condition which is characterized by incoherent babbling which is compulsive or intentional, but nonsensical. In most cases, the affected individual will reveal speech that is incessant and quick, derailment of idea flow, thought blocking, and the occurrence called ‘word salad’ wherein the words uttered may be intact, but the general thought is incomprehensible.

For example, take Palin's twitter response to the widespread mockery of her "refudiate" comment. Proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, she stated: "Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!"  

I could have forgiven her for "refudiate" but comparing herself to the bard himself definitely puts her beyond the pale. (By the way, Google says that delusions of grandeur are another common symptom of mental disorder).

Unfortunately, the main difference between Palin and typical sufferers of schizophasia is that her condition seems to be contagious, as attested to by the xenophobic mania that seems to be spreading through America like wildfire.