Rare case of 'Adult Tweeterrhea' diagnosed in Israel

While frittering my life away on Twitter, I recently came across the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs' account run by Chaim Shacham, the Director of Israel's 'Digital Diplomacy Department'.

As far as I can tell, it seems Shacham spends a lot of time online tweeting classic gems like "There is absolutely no apartheid" to an audience composed of an odd combination of ZioNazis, angry dyslexic muhajababes and Guardian-readers channeling ennui with their dull upper-middle class existence into political rage.

Although to be fair, I'd be pretty frustrated too if I was a dyslexic muhajababe.

Muhajababes of the world untie!

This minute-by-minute regurgitation of Israeli government positions is impressive in the same way you would be impressed by someone who can projectile vomit on demand. Although it is an absolute a must-read for anyone who feels they aren't getting the Israeli side of the story (which explains why the account has a staggering 145 followers globally).

But regardless of one's political views, you have to give Mr. Shacham points for his energy. Most Twitter users who display such fervor are under the age of 16. And although he displays the same level of intellectual sophistication as fellow Tweetarrheans, he does manage to remain grammatically intact. So, I thought it would be great to interview him for this blog.

Me: What does Israel hope to achieve with digital diplomacy?

CS: We found that there weren't enough people online who feel the need to defend Israel's record of their own accord. So we decided to pay them to do it instead. Unfortunately, we are having difficulties getting paid staff to recreate the zealousness of obsessive laypeople who do this for fun. It seems to require characteristics only found in the chronically unemployed.

Me:What is the Israeli government's strategy in the current negotiations with the Palestinians?
CS: We intend to dazzle the world community by putting up a facade of distracting handshakes, photos-ops and press releases while continuing colonization from behind.

Me: Are you telling me that the Israeli position on settlements is doggy-style?                

CS: If you want to get technical, yes.

In the interest of unbiased reporting, I tried to get hold of the person in charge of the Palestinian 'Digital Diplomacy Department'. But despite several phonecalls to the Palestinian Ministry of Information to arrange an interview, I was unable to penetrate the defenses of the gum-snapping telephone operator who hung up on me repeatedly. They must be too busy preparing the ground for online revolution.

PS. Don't hate me Guardian-readers, I'm a Guardian-reader too!